Activation Energy

Do you know, a relationship between two human beings is like a chemical reaction. Humans are the chemical compounds, interact each other in this universe, seeking for stability. The interaction is achieved through chemical reaction.  

In order for a reaction to be completed successfully, there's an energy that two, together must exceed. It's called the activation energy. One compound may attract another compound. But in some cases, a compound may have a repulsive force towards another. For the former, the activation energy is small, if not achievable. For the later, it takes more effort, more reciprocal actions, more energy and sometimes an external aid, a catalyst. Sometimes, it's so enormous that at the end of the day the two compounds give up and tend to search for another less repellent compound, thus more obtainable reaction.

How i wish we were the former. Unfortunately we are the later.

Electrical Component

Everytime i get tired of you, i always ask my self, why am i holding on to this? why am i still fighting for this? what exactly do i see in him? why i keep telling my self it's ok while the truth it isn't? but the more i contemplate, the more i find my self lost without any conclusion. But then, there's always something, always, that i suddenly notice, that reminds me of him. Like a badminton match. Or a nail clipper. Or chili sauce. Or electrical component of home appliances. It's as simple as a capacitor. And another component that i can't even recall what its name. The things i never quite understand, and never have an intention to, but i'm sure he knows of. And how i'm assured he'll get me covered in those matters. 

Like magic, those simple things help to put a smile on my face when i remember him. And once again, i give up asking, i give up my longing for a reason, i give up on the condition that no matter how hard is our situation right now, i'm still head over heels in love with him.

It is always the simplest thing in the universe that reminds me how much i adore him. I will always adore him.

A Welcome Note

I write this on the airport, as i am waiting my flight back to Pekanbaru this evening. My mind can't help but travels back to the time of last night, when everything felt so perfectly fine for a while, when i met you, when that familiar face of yours greeted me. I wondered why my heart still skipped a beat every time i saw those cold eyes. I wondered why my mind's and body's reaction remained the same. I wondered why the butterflies were still there. Even after 7 solid years.

The first minutes were awkward. I wondered if you were as happy as i was. I wondered if you'd been dying to see me as i had been to you. But my face must had been so easy to read because all of the sudden you caressed my head like you always did in the past. Then your hand pinched my nose playfully and with your signature grin you muttered "welcome back".

At that moment i felt like coming back home. From that moment on i knew i was ready to come back home.

I never know what kind of path lies ahead of us. I never know what the future might bring. But what i know of, this deserves a shot. We deserve a chance.

So i really hope this time we don't screw up. I hope this isn't another high school love drama like it used to be. I hope we learn from our mistake to work this out. I hope 5 years of being apart is long enough for us to understand ourselves, what our hearts really want, and finally discover each other all over again. I hope we both invest our time not for something imaginary, i hope this time it is real. I hope we can cooperate well to make this into something that is beneficial for our life on earth and life afterwards. I hope this one lasts forever.

Welcome back too, you.

A Quick Catch Up

So... hello world!
It's been a while since the last time i write something at my blog. Sooo many things happened in my life in the past few months that were worth blog-posting, but i was so busy enjoying every moment that i couldn't manage to share any of them here. Life's been good and smooth lately, and i am truly grateful for it.

Anyway, just trying to fill you in on what's going on with me, errr....where should we start? Ok, i'll just list the few updates of my life
1. I am no longer jobless

In fact, i got offering from two companies in the past 5 months. So, i started my first job in Oct 2014 as a junior pre-commissioning engineer (wondering what is my jobdesc?go ask google) in one of the best EPC company in Indonesia. The workload was okay, and they paid me super okay. Then i moved to other company, which is oil and gas company, in March 2015. The reason i moved was not because i wasn't comfortable with my prior job or anything, there just happened to be so many considerations. Haven't planned to move to another company yet, trying to enjoy my job here as a well site manager (wow, yeah, i'm a manager now hahaha. Nah, the job title is just exaggerating. go google my jobdesc if you're curious). They paid me super okay as well. I hope this one lasts for at least 2-3 years.

2. I gain 4 kilos

I know this is soooo unimportant to write, but this is one of significant changes in my life. So the last time i measured my bw back when i was still unemployed, it was 44kg. Then, after one month working, i checked again how much i weighed and it surprised me to see the needle pointed number of 48!! hahaha. Now my weight maintains at that number, guess it's like a default weight of my body. I mean, when i'm in a normal health condition and stable emotion i will weigh of 48 kg. Still trying to get it back to 44 tho, or at least 45, because someone says i am fat. blah. Since when you are giving a damn about your body weight, Pris?

3. There goes "Merantau Part 3" in life of mine

So, Part 1 was obviously when i went to college in Bandung. The second one was when i took my first job. It was in Sabah, Malaysia. And the third one, which is where i live right now, is in Duri, Riau. Both the second and the third are in the middle of nowhere, you can almost say that my workplaces are surrounded by jungle. At first i thought it would be pretty hard for me, but hey i managed to survive!.......at least as per now.

Okay, I guess it's enough for the update. If i take a moment and look back to the time of 7 months ago, i would've never guessed that my life finally brought me here. It's funny how i was so desperate at that time, dreading if i would never get a decent job, a job of my dream. Funny how i realize now that it was useless to worry, and how i am reminded again that Allah's promise is true. That Allah hears you, that Allah's plan never fails. Alhamdulillah. :)

Fall in love

Now i think i know why people use the term "fall" in fall in love.
Because your heart literally falls.
Your logic will try to give your self a grip. But in the end it just can't really help out.
You just fall, with all the common sense left in your self.

Hard. Deep. Sometimes with no way up.

And that's the way I fall.
For you.